what self love really looks like

So there’s a decent irony in this picture because to me it symbolizes self care. And I feel like a lot of people are mistaking those as the same thing. Self care plays a huge role in loving yourself but it is not all bubble baths, buying yourself an expensive coffee or new items, doing your make-up or posting bikini pictures. I mean… you can do that but it does not mean you love yourself.

I see others doing that because of the lack of selflove and I have been a toxic person to myself as well. It took me some time and ups in downs in my life I earned from to create the gut feeling for any decisions knowing if they are for my good or bad.

In this post I want to inspire you to fall in love with loving yourself. First of all, to love yourself does not equal to be narcissistic or to feel superior to others.

It is also not selfish but very important.

Self care is just a part of selflove and it includes things like taking care of your body, health and mental state. It excludes trying to change yourself because of the lack of feeling worthy or good enough. I want you to keep in mind that whenever you do want to change you do it for yourself only and not to be liked by others or getting any form of validation.

What it‘s also not; based on accomplishments or has a reaching point. I think selflove is a practice just like selfcare. When you give yourself a face mask you are investing in your skin care for example. And by decisions you’re investing in your mental wellness. An example for that could be deciding to say no to people because you already have too much work to do, need time for yourself or you are simply not in the mood to go on that party.

I love the metaphor of caring for yourself like a mother would. With unconditional motherly love. To love yourself just the way you are. Be your own mother and make yourself do the things you know you need to do, make yourself a nice and pretty dinner, make sure you stay healthy and go for decisions based on how good they are for your future and dreams. Investing time in your education, hobbies, talents and needs. On the other side you also stand in a relationship with yourself. And this relationship is the most important one because it sets the tone for the relationship to other people, relationships and friends.

So when I was toxic to myself and got into a relationship more out of fear and need it became a toxic relationship as well. I did not realize that a relationship cannot heal a person or make one happy.

You can only pour water out of a glass when it is already full.

The negative impact it had on me was constantly thinking how to make him happy even though he was making it seem like his bad mood is my fault. It drained a lot of my energy and took several hours of sleep because we kept arguing over and over again. I don‘t wish anybody to fall into the trap of toxic behavior for yourself neither from someone else. A lack of self love can manifest itself in letting others determine your worth.

So you need to stand in a healthy relationship with yourself and to treat yourself the way you want to be treated. For me it is becoming the best version of myself. Whenever I get into a new relationship it will be because the person is adding to my happiness but it not taking any away. I don‘t feel the need to expect the person to make me become the best version of myself but at least not distract me from that. When I ask my friends what they value in a relationship they are most likely going to name trust. But what about having trust in yourself? To trust yourself means you do what you love and love what you do without feeling the need to constantly ask people around you if they think it‘s good. You simply stand for it what you believe in, what your interests are, what you like and dislike. But this is more of a side-effect from loving yourself. In different words; you become more confident.

So self-, love, care, and acceptance with letting yourself heal go hand in hand. And the result of it is a happier and overall positive life. Even when you face bad times you can handle those better and I can speak out of experience. Maybe I am not madly and deeply in love with myself yet as I could or would like to but there is no destination and I am on my journey.

PS: Vibrating love and happiness is contagious!

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